Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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