I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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