he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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