just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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