I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
