I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
