Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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