you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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