Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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