I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
