and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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