Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
