But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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