We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
