I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
