So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
