I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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