please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
