i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
