I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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