great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
