I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
