Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
