Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
