so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
