that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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