We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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