shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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