In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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