You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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