I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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