What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
