Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
