how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
