I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Alive.
So much puke
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
