look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
