sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
