I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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