If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
