kristin has been a bad kristin
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
