I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
