I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
