WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
