Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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