Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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