wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
