; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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