the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
