They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
