I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
