her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
