this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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