If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
