i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
