your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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