Sponge bath it is.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
