at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A+ Viking dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
