I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
