That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
