I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
