dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
