Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your cock deserves a montage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
