why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
