Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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