Michael Bay diarrhea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
two words: eviction party
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
