You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
