# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
