I want to make a zoo with you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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