I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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