Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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