Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
