I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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