so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
