It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
