My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
