conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
