There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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