What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah