but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK