so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole