I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"