my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My bed smells like the plague
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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