How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
