you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??